I was feeling proud of myself. Really proud of myself if I’m honest. I’d hit my own goal of self-publishing my own children’s book – I Wish I had a Dinosaur. The story I had written whilst my son underwent surgery on his partially amputated finger.
Then I hit my second target. A second book within 6 months – I Wish I had a Unicorn. This book, however derivative, was inspired by explaining death of my father to my son; albeit with an innocent twist.
In this time I had started to build a small following. Some on Facebook based on my author life, and a completely separate following, unusually on TikTok posting mostly superhero-themed humour. This had got to a modest 1 million likes and close to the monetised target of 10,000.
I had also been sharing my affiliate links like a madman.
My fitness, which is an important part of my life, was pretty good I had just completed a PR half marathon time of 1 hour 38 mins and I felt good – physically and mentally.
My third book I Wish I were an Astronaut came out less than 7 months after my first. Complete with a range of children’s learning aids to compliment each story – reading log books, journals, spelling books, drawing pads, notepads. I was even thinking of toys and a marketing campaign for each book.
Then the dominoes began to tumble.
My TikTok account was banned. Apparently sharing copyrighted content. Although I can’t be sure. No more half naked dancing for me.
It’s sounds strange but when this was removed it shook my confidence to the core. I had thought I was bulletproof. Impenetrable. Fucking unstoppable. Who was going to stop me? I was on the way up, right? Wrong. Very wrong.
Maybe this was sort it white, male privilege. Or maybe it was the confidence you get when you’re happy in life. Seemingly on the way up. Not just coasting but powering through it.
I stopped sharing my links, in fear of being banned, cancelled, shadow banned.
My fitness started to drop off, I stopped training, although never cancelling my gym membership, like a mug. I even stopped running. I started eating shit. Chocolate, desserts after nearly every meal and the snacking was getting ridiculous.
Some investments I had made had gone sour, and I essentially lost thousands of pounds I couldn’t afford to lose. Cineworld anyone??
Then Bitcoin crashed. Another grand or 2 essentially (or potentially) gone.
Then the worst thing happened.
9 months earlier whilst being sick with COVID I had published a notepad with a square, a triangle and circle on the front and listed it as a ‘Squid Game inspired notebook’ – this was a huge mistake. but it was only now I was to find out why.
The company I use to publish my books take this sort of copyright infringement extremely seriously.
But only now was I to find out how seriously.
They cancelled my account. The books I had written, drawn, had illustrated at great cost, and published were gone. As was the revenue for all books I had sold over the past 3 months.
My affiliate accounts were also cancelled. Lack of use. These only covered a few meals per week but that money had to come from elsewhere.
My full time job had simultaneously became much more difficult. A member of staff who I particularly enjoyed working with moved to Scotland. Then my Area Manager that I worked closely with and had a variety of similar interests also left the firm and was replaced with my old area manager who has the same energy as the bullies from my high school Design and Technology class that held me back for 18 months and I still despise to this day.
Without saying it out loud, I gave up. I can say it now. I wrote it off mentally. All of it. The investments, the crypto, the books, the money, my dreams.
But I still have a home. I still see my son. I still have my main job- which I couldn’t survive without.
So this post, this is the line in the sand. This is the moment the boxer (normally Rocky) draws his arm back for that haymaker that turns the fight.
The setbacks are just a set up for a comeback…
Watch this space…
Check out my first book here ⬇️
